Dr. H. Answers the Call

1/5/2012

This is the letter that Dr. H has just sent me regarding some research that he is getting ready to perform on his favorite product "Preparation H". (My comments are in red)

Preparation H used as a Grease Substitute

Abstract: We are looking to use Preparation H as a substitute for grease in the bearings of a 2 cycle engine.

Bearings are traditionally lubricated to prevent seizing or difficult maneuverability. (Sounds similar to how it is used in humans) Previous items normally used would include multipurpose grease or spray lubricant. We are studying the efficacy of Preparation H as a suitable product for lubrication. (See kids this is why you should stay in school, maybe someday one of you could be assisting Dr. H. in his studies)

Preparation H is an over the counter treatment for hemorrhoids and anorectal injuries. (Injuries, how does one injury that area?)

The formula in Prep H contains white petrolatum, phrelynamine. (I wonder if it is flammable?)

 "No, let's deep fry it! Yah, yah, deep fry it ha, ha, ha."

The white petrolatum is the same as petroleum jelly. Phrelynamine is a constrictant. (So is Congress by the way)

The ointment being a petroleum product repels water and will provide as lubricant for the bearings. The Preparation was administered in graduated quantities which were validated through size approximate models. Verified actual weights determined via a postal scale of the analog type.(Don't try this at home. Dr. H. is a trained professional)

The ointment was brand name not a generic substitute to ensure actual weights/measures. The ointment was applied via an applicator which is normally used in humans. (He is such a clean guy) The applicator was never used therefore no cross contamination -anorectally occurred. (Hey, this is real science boys)

Now readers we will have to wait and see how Dr. H.'s experiment turns out. I will let you know later. I can hardly wait!


Thanks Dr. H.,


Leon