This blog is dedicated to addressing issues of common interest in America from a fool's (jester's) perspective. You can take it serious if you like, you can take it with antacid, or you can take it or leave it. The choice is yours young grasshoppers. I am here to address you America, so sit back in your office chair (not on company time) and let your mind take a journey into the world of Leon's mind. Better bring your helmets!
"It's a bird, no it's a plane, no sir it is our nuclear ambition flying away."
The food for weapons program seems to be working out well for the new guy in charge. We have food and they have a weapons program that we are not too fond of. We don't want them to have long range missiles and they don't want to starve, thus the trade. I wonder if I was right about this guy. Is he a kinder and gentler dictactor? Only time will tell.
Final thought, I wonder if North Korea's real angle in this trade off is to lull America into a false sense security until a Disney theme park is built in downtown Pyongyang and then when it is too late they start the missile program up again. Hmmmmmmm!
Apparently a wealthy but not overly bright banker decided to show the 99% (That's you and I) that your brain does not have to work in order for you to receieve a large salary. ( I didn't get any TARP money did you guys? I also didn't make millions of bad loans for a huge bonus either) The smarter than us guy decided to add insult to injury by writing "Get a real job" on the receipt. Real classy! J.P. Morgan then left a 1% tip on a $133.54 lunch bill.
I guess he really showed the waitress who the boss was. Hey banker, why don't you get a real job and stop stealing from widows and working guys for a paycheck. Hey buddy, you probably couldn't do the waitress' job even if you were given the opportunity. Maybe you should get an eye patch and learn to say arrrgghhhh! Pirate!
Now before anyone goes into the class warfare and the rich versus the poor nonsense let me be perfectly clear on this matter. This is not a story about rich versus poor. It is the story of stupid versus rational intellect and ego versus humility. That banker should be ashamed of himself. He would be if I was on the board of directors of the bank that he worked for because I would fire him or force him to clean the toilets for a week.
Maybe we should find out who this guy is and boycott the bank that he works for until he either goes and works the waitress' job for one week or gets fired. I personally want to see him forced to work at the eating establishment where he stiffed the lady for a week on her wages and no tips.
Don't you wish when products are being advertised that the whole story were being told? Here is a Chevy commercial that relays some of Chevy's history except the part where General Motors (GovernmentMotors) takes the TARP loan (handout) to stay a float. There is no mention of the debt restructuring that put the bondholders out and the union boys in charge of the car company. I wish someone would give me a car company for the way I vote. I almost forgot they got a car czar too.
It's a nice commercial but needs that punch of reality so I decided to add that punch of course. Here is how I would end the commercial "Chevy runs deep, on government money." Short, simple, and truthful.
I like how news outlets try and help a President's image out. Below is an article telling Obama to be more like Clinton. America hide your daughters! Well being the guy that I am I would like to help out El Presidente (SeniorDictator) too. Below is 10 things that I think America would like our President to do. Please do these things and leave the politics to someone that is qualified.
1) Participate in a rodeo as a rodeo clown 2) Do the Simpson's show 3) Go on Full Metal Jousting show 4) DJ at the White House(With Snoop of course) 5) Enter a hog dog eating contest(Shouldn't be that hard eating all that pork. He should be used to pork living in D.C.) 6) Spend a week on the Jersey Shore show 7) Learn to belch the alphabet(Then do it on C-Span) 8) Go on tour with Kiss ( He can sing lead with Gene Simmons) 9) Teach Joe Bidden how to read (This should take a whole term to accomplish) 10) Sing on American Idol
Below is a picture of a frozen pizza that Jennifer a.k.a Veronica a co-worker of mine bought at a local store and adopted. She was expecting to have a little morsel of pizza goodness (Who would expect less?) but instead she was very disappointed to see that mess below.
You may be asking what did she do. Well, she sent that picture and an e-mail to Jack's. Jack's upon receiving the e-mail sent Jennifer a coupon for a free pizza. Really? One free pizza for the inconvenience. Jack, I think you could have done a little better than that. Jack, what about the cost of gas, the time, and the frustration of losing a meal. You should have sent five of six coupons. (Could that coupon affect corporate bonuses? Hmmmmm!)
Just look at that! Someone must have been in a hurry on Friday night to get to the bar. One of Jack's finest was working (or not ) that night at the ol' Pizza Company. They were in such a hurry to get to that bar that they forgot to put sauce on the crust, in fact the only thing that did make it to the crust was the cardboard which was covered with the rest of the ingredients. (Nice, different, but nice)
All I can say is brilliant!
Maybe the folks at Guinness can help the folks at Jack's learn to make a pizza in the correct order. I tell you what. I will help you out Jack (I hope I am notbeing too informal here by calling you Jack) because I know a thing or two about making pizzas since I worked in a pizza place for a couple of years.
Leon's easy guide to making a good pizza for Jack's employees
1) Lay out dough
2) Spread sauce on dough
3) Spread cheese over sauce (evenly)
4) Place ingredients on cheese (use a clockwise motion so you don't get confused, noon is straight up and clockwise goes right)
5) Place in heated oven (this step is important this step is for your customers not employees)
**Notice nowhere does it say lay cardboard between crust and ingredients**
**Please make sure that the directions are followed in order to ensure product quality**
To the executives at Jack's if these instructions are too hard to follow please contact me and I will make an instructional video. Yes, before you ask I will use Disney characters to explain the process so you won't lose your train of thought.
P.S. One coupon, Jack, Jack, Jack. You could have done better. Shame on you!
Have you ever had ninjas get into your home? I hate when ninjas get into your house they are so hard to get rid of. They are worse than roaches. The last time they got into me house it took months to repair the damage they did. Ninjas also will eat you out of house and home. Don't let their skinny frames fool you they pack away the goods. They leave their waepons laying around everywhere. I could go on and on.
Just remember you can't believe everything you see or in this case what you don't see.
"You're telling me I could have had a V-8 instead of neck surgery. Will modern marvels never cease to amaze me?"
What billionaire boys do with their money
"The first thing I am going to buy with my billions is a pony and I am going to name him Greg."
Another crackpot idea to close the federal deficit
"Yes, I know that this sounds crazy but that is what we intend on doing. Homeland Security is going to sell NFL knock offs in order to help balance the budget."
"Hey nobody wanted the Trump, I guess we will all pay now."
The Chinese celebrate buying America
"We finally made the last payment for America and now it's all ours."
Life in Pakistan
"Yes Akim, this is what I would really look like on TV accept I would be smaller. I wish we had electricity and a picture tube instead of opium and goats maybe then I could watch the GOP debates."
"Is that you Newt? I can see you, now stop heckling me, it's not nice and it's not your turn. I am too a conservative."
"I would ask if it is OK to carpet bomb Damascus. I didn't find anything against it in my Geneva Convention handbook."
"I tried to tell everyone Newt was an alien, but no!" "Mitt if I were an alien, I would have antenna coming from my forehead like this and two bulging eyes like these."
"To help promote tourism in Florida your dictator has decided to move the Nation's Capital here to Disney World. To cut the ribbon commencing this announcement I will have Goofy do the honor. Joe can you come up here?"
Apparently Avery Brooks was just putting into practice what he learned from his days on Deep Space Nine when he was picked up for buzzed driving. I firmly believe that the Romulans are behind this plot to discredited the good captain's name. According to the article the writer was not sure if legal counsel was secured for the captain. I wonder if Deana Troi is available? Sisko just might need some counseling after this adventure.
To see Star Trek Drunkies click the arrow above and Scotty will beam you in. For the Federation's take on the matter click the link below:
I saw this article on the Internet one day and wondered what the fish would think if they were surveyed. I took some liberty as I often do and answered the questions for the carp. The carps answers are in red.
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. (WOOD) - A new EPIC/MRA poll released on Thursday indicated that the majority of Michigan residents are concerned about the Asian carp's progression toward the Great Lakes.
41% of the Michigan residents polled have heard or read a lot about the Asian carp. 31% had heard or read some, 19% only a little, and 9% nothing at all. 100% of the Asian carp polled had heard of Asian carp.
After the issue was explained in the poll, 93% of respondents were concerned, with 73% very concerned and 20% somewhat concerned. 6% were not very or not at all concerned, and 1% were undecided. 100% of the Asian carp were not concerned about progressing toward Lake Michigan although 100% of them were concerned about the electric barrier idea. 60% said that barriers should be erected between the Mississippi River and Lake Michigan to stop the carp. 15% said that no barriers should be erected, and 25% were undecided.100% of the carp said that the fence should be erected in the Rio Grande since they don't swim down there right now. 49% of respondents said that the federal government should spend money to fight the carp and 37% said the funding should be left to the states. 14% wereundecided.100% of the Asian carp said that the federal government should not get involved fighting against them and under no circumstances should they be deported back to Asia and that they should be given amnesty. The poll sampled 600 people and has an error of plus orminus 4%.An unknown amount of carp were sampled, smoked, and then eaten.
All rise for Leon's court. (You may be seated unless you already were seated, in that case you don't follow directionsvery well, do you?) Leon's court is now in session. The plaintiff: Anthony Bourdain has a problem with Paula's southern fried style, high calorie, fat saturated cooking. The defendant: Paula Deen is Food Network's grandma of goodies who just let the world know she has been suffering from diabetes for three years or so.
Well Anthony just isn't a fan of Paula is he? And that is evident by his comments made on Twitter. "Thinking of getting into the leg-breaking business, so I can profitably sell crutches later." (Well isn't he a tough guy?)
Let's hear from the plaintiff first.
Anthony: "Paula's constant indulgence of butter, fat, and sugar are a bad example for Americans to follow. This promotes heart disease and diabetes."
Paula: "I never told America to eat this style of cooking for every meal. Ya know, ya don't visit Hawaii everyday do ya?"
Anthony: "How often do you warn people about the dangers of constantly eating like this?"
Paula: "I'm not their mothers, my audience is grown adults who are smart enough to know the word moderation. They also can make their own dietary choices."
Anthony: "You see your honor, this is why I call Paula the most dangerous person to America."
Paula: "Get a life, Anthony."
That will be enough from both of you. Anthony you are out of line for saying Paula is the most dangerous person to America. The most dangerous person to America is an elected official. Now Paula, maybe you could do a new show directed towards healthy cooking too. I think you need some balance.
I have thought about what both of you have said and I am awarding Paula with a verdict of not guilty. One because I believe people have to be responsible for their choices and secondly my mother is a Paula fan. I am not sure Mr. Bourdain if my mother watches your program, but I could be wrong.
You go girl!
All rise. This ends Leon's court. All rise. Paula you may cook with caution.
When Sarah Palin ran with Mr. Maverick (John McCain) in 2008 I didn't like it. McCain claims to be a maverick but his voting record shows otherwise. McCain (I hope you're not a Scot, cause ifin you ur you have bin embarassin yurclan) the only kinda of maverick I would compare you to is a 1976 Ford Maverick.
Ford Maverick Fighter pilot McCain
Boring and boxy at best. A maverick is the one who leads the charge even if it is to certain doom. Any one wonder why Ford Motor Company was almost bankrupt in the late 70's? Just look at that beast, ugly. McCain maybe you were comparing yourself to the Mel Gibson character Maverick. (He might mean he gambles with hisvotes or maybe when the C-Span cameras are turned off the politicians play Texas Hold 'em, I'm just not sure) I do respect your military service and the fact that you were a POW and for that I believe you should be honored ( I salute you) but as a politician you should step it up a little bit like your ex buddy, Sarah Palin has lately.
Sarah spoke out against the article that Andrew Sullivan wrote entitled, "Why Are Obama's Critics So Dumb?" Well I will let you the reader decide if the article is worthy to read or not, however I will ask a tough question for the so called free press people here, "Why are journalist so dumb when they write about Obama?" (Did he threaten to take your pen and pad away?)
Mel as Maverick
Sarah Palin
America, who can't like a woman that talks tough (Not like a sailor though), can kill, gut, and cook a moose? I am not endorsing her, but boy is she a fun politician (Feisty!). Remember to exercise your right to vote in November and for you people in Chicago I say, "Vote early and vote often" the rest of you just vote once like you are supposed to. (If you live in Chicago you know what I mean, wink, wink)
I have been asked to increase the quality and decrease the quantity of the blogs to increase reader enjoyment. I am here to show you that I listen. I will blog five days a week starting next week. I guarantee to make this the best blog available on the Internet. The more feedback that I get the better this baby will be. I encourage both positive and negative feedback.
So as George Bush once told the terrorist, "Bring it on!"
It seems no one can leave Tebow alone not even the atheist, so I will help out my buddy Tebow again. I have taken some excerpts from the article below and added my take on things, I Leonized it.
(Tebowing) This is a nod to the atheist or humanistic belief that it is man -- not a higher power -- who is purely in control of his fate. Silverman is Tebowing to his fellow man. (Ohhhhh! Mr. Kotter may I address the class? Well, Mr.Atheist if man is in control of his fate so much, let me see you turn the sun off, or stop the planet from rotating. I would like a longer summer and a shorter winter can man fix that up for me?)
"The universe has a trillion stars (And many knuckleheads)," he says. "Ninety five percent of it is dark matter. It's hubris to think the Creator (Why did you mention Creator?) of all that wants the Broncos to win a football game." (What if God did want the Broncos to win, prove to me He didn't. What if he just wanted you to pick on Tebow so I could blog about your unbelief. Hmmmmm! I wonder if I found the article by chance?)
So Silverman calls Tebow a "victim" because of the quarterback’s belief that "he's not doing it -- God is doing it through him." Therefore, according to Silverman, Tebow is "brainwashing himself." (Well Mr. Silverman aren't you brainwashing yourself by saying there is no God, over and over, and over? Just maybe you are the victim Silverman. When did you decide that there is no God, in a moment of disappointment of a life event or was it when you found out that you couldn't be the Bronco's quarterback?)
Even Hitler has something to say about Tebow.
I believe if you want to be an atheist, be the best one you can be but don't try to bring down someone else's beliefs because they don't work for you. Make an argument based on facts Silverman. If one takes the time to really examine the facts about the universe I really think that you can see that someone of great intellect created everything. There is a Law for everything and the universe works in an orderly fashion. Now, whether the Broncos win or not that is laid out by Laws too. Football is a game of skill, technique, and planning I should know I played the game for 11 years. You break the Laws you don't win the game.
Leon, See you next year Tebow
Images from: Yahoo Images
Tebowing from: Tebow
Football: A gift from God
A lot of people don’t like Russia’s Vladimir Putin because of his brash behavior. I kinda find him refreshing. I like political figures with gumption. He also has a cool name. (Sort of Dracula like, say it withme Vladimir, make sure to emphasize Vlad and say it with an accent) I wish he was running for President in our country. I wonder if we could trade the Ruskies a couple of Democrats and Republicans for Putin, probably not. I think the only thing any one would trade for those guys is a old Desoto and an autographed picture of Gomer Pyle. (Maybe the Cubans would be interested?)
Gomer Pyle Desoto
What’s there not to like about leader with a black belt and who is not afraid to use it once in a while. I don’t share his views of shutting down the press because he believes that the press should be controlled by the state. (Death before state controlled press) Men were born to be free thinkers Mr. Putin. We have a God given right to say anything that we want to. No man orstateshould stop another man from exercising this right. Without opposing view points progress never happens. (Anyone recall the Dark Ages?) Why do you think the Japanese use quality circle so much? (They tap each others brains)
Hey Vlady, in martial arts you learn to take punches just the same as you give them, politics are no different buddy. Use the irritant to make a pearl. Sometimes you are to tense, learn how to relax a little bit, what I recommend to you is get some Chuck Norris movies and a pizza, sit down one Saturday night a month with your ole KGB buddies and reminisce of the Old Iron curtain days, but please don't bring them back.
Chuck Norris Putin KGB
Click here to see Vlad in action (He sort of acts like what Dirty Harry would act like if he were President):
