A co-worker who I forget to wish Merry Christmas to on the blog named Jennifer has challenged me in what I shall call a word off. Here is what happened America. I was running my mouth like I do and asked Jennifer AKA Veronica the following question, "Do your parents have a woods?" She laughed at my for my poor use of the English language. We debated several ways to use the word woods in a sentence and came up with the following: Do you have a woods on your property. Are there woods on your property? Is your property wooded. Do you have woods around your house? Got woods?
Here is your chance people to be heard. Make a sentence with the following words: woods, house, have, they, a, my, neighbors, near, not, too, far. Sounds like a drunken Yoda trying to speak English for the first time, huh?
Jennifer has petitioned my co-workers hard through the use of water boarding techniques and making them listen to disco music non- stop until they take her side. How can I compete with that? She even called her mother! She really wants to win. I stand alone.
Now for my argument. This is why I think it is OK to say, “Do your parents have a woods?”
I don’t believe that the English language can be mastered. First of all it is complicated and it doesn't come with an owner's manual. Words are added to the language each year officially and unofficially (anyone remember ebonics) Texting is doing a great job of making sure that "We the People" can't spell and most of the time we can't read either. Does anyone use any words while they're texting? (Please some one use the word woods in a text for me)
Here is another reason why I am not a fan of our language in written form. Back in the Day I attended Grand Valley State College. Freshman where required to take English 101. What I learned about our language at this institution of higher learning was that academicians (smarter people than me) can't even agree on how to use English.
Let me splain. I have never been a good English student (just read the blog you'll figure out what I mean). Maybe there were too many rules to follow or maybe it was because I was goofing off in class. I really tried hard to get a good grade in that English course. I struggled in the course and the course finally won. At Grand Valley back in the day freshman could also get a tutor in basic courses if they needed one free of charge. ( I got one) because my first paper was a train wreck. Tutor’s at Grand Valley were professor wanna be’s and had to be English majors.
The tutor corrected my paper (she really earned that money, let me tell you) and she tried to teach me about the structure of our language. (do you know how people have tried to give me structure?)
Well I retyped the first paper that she corrected and turned it in. I was feeling pretty good about myself and my homework too. I turned it in thinking I was headed from the C- material that I usually turned in into B+ or A- work. Boy was I dreaming! I got back the paper and was very disappointed by my grade. My grade was slightly above what I normally received from my own handy work.
The paper was marked up all over the place with red highlights and comments. There was more red on that paper than on a Chinese flag.
How could this be? My paper was corrected by an English major. A trusted advisor. Afterwords the professor butchered my paper. Does this sound like what Goldman Sachs did in 2008 or what? ( Hi, Llyod, I wonder if this crises can be fixed with TARP money?)
At least my paper couldn't be downgraded anymore it was clearly at face value now. Either this guy wasn’t really an English professor, had a hangover when he read my paper or my tutor should have changed her major to nursing. This went on several times throughout the semester with out me saying anything (hard to believe).
Finally I couldn’t take it any longer. I had to ask her why the two of them, trained professionals in the same field (English) had such varying opinions on how to write a paper. If two trained professionals couldn’t agree on how English was to be used I never had a chance of getting it. She said, “I don’t know”. I am thinking, “You don’t know why the two of you can’t seem to see eye to eye on this important matter! Maybe it wasn't that important after all. That's when I kinda lost my faith in the system at that point and decided to use the English language any way I wanted to. Today it is much the same. I will use and abuse our good language until someone makes an official guide showing me how it is to be used properly.
Feel free to correct me if you must. I enjoy feedback. If you readers and Jenn find that my use of the English language is too barbaric I could take up Spanish and write the blogs in Espanol.
Until the next time, I will be standing in my dad's woods awaiting your replies.
P.S. Happy New Year to Jennifer (She is single men)
Images by: Yahoo Images and Wikipedia
Poor use of the English Language by: Leon
If I had to pick one, I would say "Are there woods on your property?" would be the best selection. However, according to the dictionary the word "woods" is not even a word. So, you essentially wasted both my time and yours on a senseless blog post. You should be ashamed of yourself! I am appalled! I did however agree with you that the English language makes no sense. I would have given your paper an A, because you sound like you know what you're talking about. If you knew any better, you'd apply for a position at a University as a Professor of English. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteWow! I think that when ever we learn it is not a waste of time. We learned boys and girls that woods is not a word. Thanks JMarsh.Frankly I should be ashamed of many things that I do but I am not.
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